Bird Poop!!!

Mostly Humorous.

Finishing Your Homework

Everyone who has ever gone to any school or college must have suffered from homework-finishing-block more than once in his/her life. This problem is caused by not knowing the right technique and steps of finishing homework. So to ease the future generations from this problem, I hereby present the step by step guide of finishing the homework :-

  1. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  2. Read the assignment with utmost care. Its imperative that you understand it.
  3. Make some coffee for your yourself. It will help you concentrate.
  4. Go out of the house to see your neighbour-classmate-friend.  If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the nearby cafe and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his/her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him/her instantly.
  5. Get back to your room, Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  6. Read the assignment again with utmost care. Its very very imperative that you understand it clearly.
  7. Hey, you know what, you haven't talked or written to that cute kid whom you met in the summer camp ten years ago. Why not give him/her a call. Search for his/her long lost number for twenty minutes. Now make the call, better get it out of the way first so that you can concentrate.
  8. Go to the mirror, look at your face, hairs and teeth. Make sure they are clean and in working order.
  9. Listen to the music CD which you bought last week (that's it, as soon as I am done, I am gonna finish the paper).
  10. Listen to the music CD which you bought last year (Listen to Fearless, its my personal favorite, or else listen to Very Best of the Andrews Sisters, classic, ahaha).
  11. Arrange all your CDs in alphabetical order.
  12. Phone your neighbour friend and ask if he/she has started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university/school, and the world at large.
  13. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour.
  15. Check out the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing anything worthwhile on TV (Oh hey, this show really used to suck. Heck, I'll just check it out in case they make any improvements to plot).
  16. Phone your neighbour-friend to see if he/she was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
  17. Look at your tongue in bathroom mirror. Good, its clean.
  18. Open Facebook, update your status as "Doing Homework". Reply to the flood of comments you get on that.
  19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
  20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated, hooded strangers lurking in the alley.
  21. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
  23. Slide your chair to the window. Watch the sunrise. 
  24. OH WHAT! Its morning already. Lie belly-down on the ground and scream your lungs out. Bang the floor with your fists if necessary.
  25. Leap up and finish the paper.
  26. Complain loudly to everyone that you had to stay up all night to finish the paper.
That's it. You are done!!!

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