Bird Poop!!!

Mostly Humorous.

Waiting in Vain

Huh, talk about a crappy day. Ok so this is what happened today :

Shorter Version: I waited for a girl for a little more than two hours, she didn't show up. When she did showed up, I was already gone.

Longer Detailed Version: There lives a certain girl merely 30 metres away from my house (my neighbour, ok), whom I always fancied a little. However, there is this tiny-weenie problem. She is four years older than me, already a college graduate, and me, well I just turned 18. Whatever, so this girl, whom I am going to address here by her nickname Richie, and me are somewhat friendly. But we rarely get to see each other, due to our conflicting schedules. In fact I haven't talked to her face to face since September last year (yeah right, she is my neighbour!). Moreover, we have our additional classes in the same building, me on 7th floor, she on 3rd floor.

Today, my classes were kinda extremely short, and were over by 11:00am. I know that her classes usually end by 11:30, so I texted her and asked that since we both are done with our classes, would she like to go home together with me, maybe we could stop by for some coffee or something. And guess what, the reply was positive. But there was this little catch, she told that her classes might not be over till 01:30pm, and asked whether I was willing to wait till then. "Oh yeah, sure no problem" - this was my reply without any thinking.
But after telling her so, I realised that there are in fact 120 minutes between 11:30am and 01:30pm, and the wait was going to be extraordinarily boring. And as I had already told her that I would wait, it felt very awkward to tell her again that I am not gonna wait. Well luckily for me, I found a gaming parlour down the road, and one hour went off gleefully, though it made my purse a little lighter.

So, its 12:30pm now, and I have got another hour to loaf away. What to do??? Well, how about taking a long slow stroll alongside the road. It was a cloudy day, cool breeze blowing by, and the stroll might help to get rid of the few extra pounds which I have put up in the holidays. So I spent half and hour simply roaming up and down the whole section of road, twice. The final half hour was the hardest, I merely sat in the almost empty Waiting Room, doing nothing but waiting.
But 01:30pm came and passed. No sign of Richie or any other of her classmates. At 01:40 I texted her again, no response. At 01:50, I called her, but she disconnected the phone. I decided to wait till 02:00 pm, but still static. At 02:15, I finally gave up, thought that either her teachers have gone crazy or she is ignoring me, I started back for home, in rather dejected spirits.

However, at 02:26, she called me, telling that her classes just got over and asked where was I, to which I replied that I am now halfway to home. If only I could have waited for another 10 minutes, things would have been a lot different. Maybe this is what we call Bad Luck. For once I had my classes ending early, but her classes got extended on that particular day.

Is there gonna be any next time???? I don't know. Well, as they say, better luck next time.

Sleeping Wits!

Ok, this is it. Finally, after all these years, I got caught sleeping in the class. Too bad. And what was worse, I couldn't think up of a sensible reply to explain my drowsiness. However, after a few awkward and rather amusing minutes (for the rest of the class), I got my mind into thinking what I explanation I could give if such sort of situation comes up again. Well, I did came up with some cool ideas, so thought it would be best to share them here for the greater good. If you guys can come up with more, feel free to share it.
So as soon as you are awakened from the sweet nap in class, say the following stuff:-
  • "They told me at the blood bank that this might happen."
  • "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course we had earlier."
  • "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the class assignment and envisioning a new paradigm."
  • "I was testing this so-called waterproof ink for drool-resistance."
  • "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve homework-related stress."
  • "Damn, why did you had to wake me. I had almost discovered the Ultimate Question of the Universe."
  • "I just couldn't resist the gravity anymore. Its too strong for me."
  • "I was looking on the ground to check any cracks in the floor."
  • "My new contact-lens are just too heavy, they are pulling my head down".
  • "The coffee machine downstairs is broken......... (discontinue in a feeble voice)."
  • "I hate you".
  • "Oh Noooo!!! (look around in fear) They have found me, I have to leave the country now." (run away from there.)
However, in my opinion, the best way to react in this situation would be :- Do nothing, say nothing. Simply give "The Look" to the person who wakes you up. Stare down that person in such a way that he/she begins to consider himself/herself as a worthless piece of junk on this planet. Then go back to sleep. You won't be disturbed again

Finishing Your Homework

Everyone who has ever gone to any school or college must have suffered from homework-finishing-block more than once in his/her life. This problem is caused by not knowing the right technique and steps of finishing homework. So to ease the future generations from this problem, I hereby present the step by step guide of finishing the homework :-

  1. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  2. Read the assignment with utmost care. Its imperative that you understand it.
  3. Make some coffee for your yourself. It will help you concentrate.
  4. Go out of the house to see your neighbour-classmate-friend.  If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the nearby cafe and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his/her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him/her instantly.
  5. Get back to your room, Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  6. Read the assignment again with utmost care. Its very very imperative that you understand it clearly.
  7. Hey, you know what, you haven't talked or written to that cute kid whom you met in the summer camp ten years ago. Why not give him/her a call. Search for his/her long lost number for twenty minutes. Now make the call, better get it out of the way first so that you can concentrate.
  8. Go to the mirror, look at your face, hairs and teeth. Make sure they are clean and in working order.
  9. Listen to the music CD which you bought last week (that's it, as soon as I am done, I am gonna finish the paper).
  10. Listen to the music CD which you bought last year (Listen to Fearless, its my personal favorite, or else listen to Very Best of the Andrews Sisters, classic, ahaha).
  11. Arrange all your CDs in alphabetical order.
  12. Phone your neighbour friend and ask if he/she has started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university/school, and the world at large.
  13. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour.
  15. Check out the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing anything worthwhile on TV (Oh hey, this show really used to suck. Heck, I'll just check it out in case they make any improvements to plot).
  16. Phone your neighbour-friend to see if he/she was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
  17. Look at your tongue in bathroom mirror. Good, its clean.
  18. Open Facebook, update your status as "Doing Homework". Reply to the flood of comments you get on that.
  19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
  20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated, hooded strangers lurking in the alley.
  21. Sit in a straight, comfortable and padded chair in a well lighted, airy and hygienic place.
  22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
  23. Slide your chair to the window. Watch the sunrise. 
  24. OH WHAT! Its morning already. Lie belly-down on the ground and scream your lungs out. Bang the floor with your fists if necessary.
  25. Leap up and finish the paper.
  26. Complain loudly to everyone that you had to stay up all night to finish the paper.
That's it. You are done!!!


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    Edit: For those who don't understand, above post says Six by Nine is Forty-Two written in Elvish. Those who are yet at fail to understand, consider this post as Spam.

    Edit 2: The Bird Poop blog is currently undergoing extreme time-mismanagement. Issue likely to be sorted out by next week.

    LOL Emails!!!

    I am not sure what we did before email, but I don't think reading unexpected letters was a lot of fun. I have a few correspondents who keep me entertained from their stream of funny emails. Those emails are not just Ha-Ha jokes, but a particular and rather peculiar variety which I find quite enjoyable.
    Yesterday, my cousin sent me the results of a class test: 26 students, each of whom only six years old, were given half of a well-known proverb and asked to complete it. What they came up with is not just astonishing but rather clever and very funny. Here are a few of their results:-
    • Strike while the bug is close.
    • Never underestimate the power of termites.
    • No news is impossible.
    • Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.
    • A miss is as good as a Mr.
    • The pen is mightier than the pigs.
    • An idle mind is the best way to relax.
    • Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.
    • A penny saved is not much.
    • Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.
    • When the blind lead then get out of the way.
    • If at first you don’t succeed, get new batteries.
    • Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.
    And the winner of this strange amalgam of proverbs : Better late than pregnant!!!
    There is another mail which I particularly liked, this one from an online friend of mine. What he has sent are quite intriguing questions. You have to think of the answers as you read the following selection:
    • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
    • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
    • Why does no one say ‘It’s only a game’, when their team is winning? 
    • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? (LOL What????!!!)
    • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 
    • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 
    • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean the other one enjoys it? 
    • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 
    • Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours? 
    • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 
    • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 
    And here too, my favourite : How important does a person have to be before he is considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 
    Sure enough, we didn't had this sort of entertainment dose in the age of snail-mail!