Bird Poop!!!

Mostly Humorous.

Being Street-Smart!

I read on the newspaper the other day about some guy who worked late and got robbed in a ghetto area of the town. The police then gave handy tips on how to stay safe on the streets like screaming and running etc,etc. Well I think the ideas are stupid as running away screaming like a girl (taken that you are a guy) would only make the assailant more pissed and want to kick your ass. So forget about police advice, follow my tips in beingstreet smart and you'd never have to worry about personnelsafety again.

Obviously, to avoid getting thugged, you must look and act like a thug and or gangster. Who's ever heard of terrorists blowing up other terrorists? Point proven. Looking like a thug takes a long time to perfect unless your a teenage kid who's been exposed to MTV all your life.

First and foremost is to change the way you talk. DO NOT USE correct grammar and proper English. Depending on what type of thug you want to portray, see example below:

General Thug

DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THIS: Can you please pass me all your monetary notes, and any other things of general value before I stab you with this sharp instrument I am holding. This is so I may finance the cash deficit my business is experiencing?

SPEAK LIKE THIS: Ya f%$# give me da money stuff before I skewer your ass.

Next is to make an appearance change. Ditch the business suite and/or designer brand clothes.

Instead, buy clothes 5 times your size. This is especially important if your a guy as baggy pants signify conventional pants cannot fit your "package". Try to acquire weapons such as knives or guns. If said weapons are too expensive for you, then water guns work just fine. One must also look shiny in order to blend in (this is known as bling). Wear as much shiny things as possible so when sunlight hits you, everyone within 5 metres becomes blind.

Acting is also very important in not getting mugged. When walking down the street, try to high five everyone. If your not of a ethnic minority, feel free to give racist tags to everyone around you because its fine-your a ghetto gangster now.

If however none of the above work and you are still getting mugged, dress like an Australian with accent and everything. Also carry a real huge knife. When your about to get mugged, pull out your knife and say "this is a real knife"

© HappyHoBo


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