Bird Poop!!!

Mostly Humorous.

Many Ways of Getting Insulted!

Yesterday night I was thinking how much I used to hate most of the teachers in my school. Not all of them, some are quite good in fact, but some of them are very much hate-able. Then all of a sudden, my thoughts wandered off to the Indian Idol show, the fifth season of which concluded a few months ago. This sudden drift of thoughts resulted in intermixing of the elements from both the scenes, and I was stuck by the idea that how much funny it would actually be if the widely-hated teachers of my school end up as judges in this show. Would be quite entertaining for the audience.

Let's Dramatize! Here is the situation:- Its the finale of the Indian Idol. However, the three regular judges have mysteriously called in sick. Out of desperation, the organizers picked up the three teachers from our school to act as judges in this finale. (I know it's a bit too much, but let's suppose they did so). Now here are the person whom they chose- 1.) Mr. S S (Chemistry teacher)      2.) Mr S N T (Physics teacher)     3.) Mr D R S (Organic Chemistry teacher and the widely hated Principal).
Now the first finalist has finished singing his song, it's time for judges to comment. Well I am already feeling pity for the finalists.
SS: "It was not that bad. But you need to increase your energy and speed. You finished that song in 2 minutes and 23 seconds, while an IIT-ian can sing the same song in exactly 1 minute 59 seconds. Your song was quite pyara (lovely) by the way. You only need to increase your energy and speed. I don't want to say this, but if you happen to sing this song in a concert in one of the IITs, they will "kick you out".
DRS: "When you sing in public, how do people react to it? Do they pay you to stop singing or do they offer you Methyl Alcohol to drink? You are totally forgettable, I wonder how you came up to the finals. I expect that you must be going to some private singing classes to increase your singing quality. No wonder, you go from home to school, school to singing classes, from there back to home, now you are too tired, so you go to sleep. By the time you wake up next morning, you have already forgotten what you learnt the previous day. Your parents must be saying to everyone that our son is so hard-working, but I assure you, You Are Simply Wasting Your Parents' Money. I would rather give this Indian Idol award to J K J then to give it to you."
SNT: "Whenever you sing, there is a change of Bhiscosity in the air around your mouth. This causes a change of the air's Bhiscous Drag. This amount of Bhiscous Drag is directly proportional to the quality of your song. So now I am going to calculate the Bhiscous Drag of your song. (A long process of calculation which involves many weird looking one-liner diagrams and copious amount of integration and subsequent differentiations.) So you can see, your song's Bhiscous Drag is bhery-bhery less. This means that your song is bhery-bhery poor."
SS: "You simply need to increase the energy and power. If you will do this your song's viscosity will automatically increase, and so will be the quality of your song. This fact is verified by the VSEPR theory of singing, and is also in accordance with Mucliber's Principle of lone pair lungs, which is made possible by imperfect shielding of your windpipe by your tongue. Putting it simply, you simply need more energy and power, energy and power, ENERGY AND POWER.........
DRS: "There is also a chemical method of increasing your song's quality. Take 55ml of Ethyl Glycol and heat it with Benzene Pthaladimide at a constant temperature of 353 kelvin for exactly 12 minutes 35 and one-fourth seconds. Then add Carpolactum to this mixture, and then exactly at the pressure of 12 atm, add 5-Ethyl-3,3-DiMethyl-5-Amino-Pent-2,2-diol. Heat this mixture at 536 kelvin at a pressure of 12.2365atm for 3 weeks. Then pour this mixture in a tub, and stand naked in it overnight under a full moon. This process is known as Rowle-Dolohov Synthesis, guaranteed to provide an excellent singing quality. The side-effects include persistent loose motions, permanent lose of sanity etc."
SS: "Personally, I think that simply increasing Energy and Speed will do the trick......."
DRS: (shouting) "DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN ME????? I AM THE PRINCIPAL.........I SPEND MY WEEKENDS IN LONDON.........I KNOW THE FORMULA OF SODIUM NITRO-PRUSSIDE.....I AM CORRECT......"
SNT: "Yes, alright. Calm down. Now you kid here, look, in accordance to Lenz's Law.......hey, what's that?? There is water spilling from your water-bottle on this stage. HOW DARE YOU YO SPILL WATER ON THE STAGE. YOU ARE GOING TO HELL. NO DISCIPLINE AT ALL. YOU ARE SUSPENDED."
Voice from the back of stage: "It's time for a commercial!"
[commercial].  

3 comments:

Nice one bro.........liked it!! Reminds of the school days!!

 

Hmm..we r still in school,aren't we? I mean we haven't yet passed-out officially.

 

omg it was hilarious!! i liked SNT..bherryy niiceee!! :D

 

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